Josh was about to take a step toward the door when Flamel's iron hand clamped onto his shoulder.Nicholas Flamel's words to 15-year-old Josh stop him from entering what we soon learn is a booby-trapped hallway. In reading these lines, I was struck, in particular, by the three one-word sentences:
"Don't move," he murmured. "Wait. Look. Notice. If you keep those three words in mind, you just might survive the next few days."
- The short sentences have an arresting effect on both Josh (causing him to physically stop) and the reader (causing us to wonder what danger lies ahead).
- As dialogue, they fit the personality/speech patterns already established for the character Nicholas Flamel.
- They increase tension.
- They create a pause in the fast-paced action.
This is another reason why I paused after reading the above excerpt from The Alchemyst--I wanted to understand why, in this case, I wasn't bothered by the one-word sentences.
Perhaps the difference between these two sets of sentences is more obvious to you than it was to me at first:
I think it's interesting that the difference bothered my internal grammarian even though my conscious mind couldn't put my finger on the reason why at first. Have any of you ever had a similar reaction? If so, please post a comment telling us about it.
Flamel's instructions: Wait. Look. Notice. happen to also be great advice for writers. I hope you'll put this advice to practice in the following Writing Workout.
But first, I have another one-word sentence for you: Remember! That is, remember that you have only until 11 pm (CST) this Friday, August 20, to enter our giveaway drawing for Miss Brooks Loves Books (and I don’t), written by Barbara Bottner and illustrated by Michael Emberley. Read April's interview of Barbara for details.
- What, specifically, about this writing caught my attention?
- Is there some aspect of it I could imitate in my own writing?
Carmela
4 comments:
I remember the road traffic advert we had in the UK. It started with:
STOP. LOOK. LISTEN.
So effective.
Yes, I've seen that, too. Thanks for reminding me, Elaine.
I love the use of one word sentences. Punchy and modern, esp. when you're writing for teens. Thanks for the exercise - def. going to use this one!
You're welcome, Mary Jo!
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